Asymptotics of Ramsey numbers of double stars

A double star $S(n,m)$ is the graph obtained by joining the center of a star with $n$ leaves to a center of a star with $m$ leaves by an edge. Let $r(S(n,m))$ denote the Ramsey number of the double star $S(n,m)$. In 1979 Grossman, Harary and Klawe have shown that $$r(S(n,m)) = \max\{n+2m+2,2n+2\}$$ for $3 \leq m \leq n\leq \sqrt{2}m$ and $3m \leq n$. They conjectured that equality holds for all $m,n \geq 3$. Using a flag algebra computation, we extend their result showing that $r(S(n,m))\leq n+ 2m + 2$ for $m \leq n \leq 1.699m$. On the other hand, we show that the conjecture fails for $\frac{7}{4}m +o(m)\leq n \leq \frac{105}{41}m-o(m)$. Our examples additionally give a negative answer to a question of Erd\H{o}s, Faudree, Rousseau and Schelp from 1982.