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At a certain infamous tea party, the Mad Hatter posed the following riddle: why is a raven like a writing-desk? We do not answer this question. Instead, we solve a related nonsense query: why is a soap bubble like a railway? The answer is that both minimize over graphs. We give a self-contained introduction to graphs and minimization, starting with minimal networks on the Euclidean plane and ending with close-packed structures for three-dimensional foams. Along the way, we touch on algorithms and complexity, the physics of computation, curvature, chemistry, space-filling polyhedra, and bees from other dimensions. The only prerequisites are high school geometry, some algebra, and a spirit of adventure. These notes should therefore be suitable for high school enrichment and bedside reading.